There’s nothing quite as enjoyable as lying flat on your back on a sun-drenched wooden deck. Try it devoid of all clothing to feel directly the mild scorch of healing heat beneath your shoulders and back. You will notice which…
Horizontal Basics
In a nutshell: Lie down. Why? Because the act of lying down gives instant relief. Because lying down is a deliberate action. Because when you’re lying down, you’re looking up. Because it is the time, the place for mankind now…
Little Demons
Unfortunately my friends, yes there are demons. All is not good. Some things are bad. Some things are down right ornery. And yes, there are angels. There are angels almost everywhere. If you can’t see them, you’re not looking. Maybe…
The War Against Free
Why is there always this hum of radio waves, distracting beats, talking heads, fluff television? Why this daily barrage of mediocre music and leering imagery, everywhere, all the time? I will tell you why. It’s because if you had a…
Doctor’s Orders
Dr. Benjamin Church, a colleague and friend of Thomas Jefferson, was one of the most respected physicians of his time. He was also a Horizontologist! In preparation for the Corps of Discovery’s proposed 8000 mile round trip expedition to explore…
Things Better Left Undone
So many things simply have to be done! …or do they? For example, why oil the creaking hinge of your backdoor? Why would you deprive yourself of a free burglar alarm system. Or suppose you have an untrustworthy spouse, God…
Horizontal Self-Defense
The Horizontologist enjoys a distinct advantage over his Vertical opponent — he can’t be knocked down. He can’t be knocked down because he is already lying on the ground, happily situated, imbibing the subtle curvature of the Earth. I know…
Close Your Eyes
“Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you.”     — Lennon/McCartney “You can close your eyes, it’s alright.” — James Taylor But it’s not always so easy to close your eyes in this day and age. Your eyes, for the most…
The Horizontal Accoutrements
Did I tell you it takes a certain effort to actually get comfortable? Seems ironic, doesn’t it? But, think about it… First, there’s the location to consider. Where can I go and be Horizontal without anyone bothering me? Finding such…
Horizontal Culture
Did you know that Horizontologists come in all colours? Well, of course they do! We are not divided by race. What separates us from those who live within Verticality is the same thing that separated the Native American from the…